I feel like it has been a while since I just laid it on the line about myself.  In 2.5 years of blogging I don’t think I have really explained what I think drives me.  Before we get to the juicy stuff, first I should tell you what inspired this post.  I was on my way home after having a few drinks with a buddy (don’t worry I wasn’t driving) and somehow the conversation of the difference between a psychologist and  psychiatrist came up.  I eventually asked if he had ever saw one.  He had and being the curious guy I am I asked an inordinate amount of questions.  This random conversation with a buddy made me remember something about my fraternity days.  When we had guys pledging they were required to interview older Brothers and one of those questions was, what is your biggest fear?

Evan’s Biggest Fear

I knew from the age of 19 or so what my biggest fear was.  I had answered that question the same way 3 years (6 fraternity classes) the exact same way and it only took being out of college nearly 9 years to remember those interviews.

My biggest fear is being unsuccessful. 

The fear shouldn’t be shocking, I didn’t name my blog My Journey to Ordinary or Eliminate Debt at Whatever Cost.  I named this blog after just one of my goals and aspirations.  When I reach that goal will I be satisfied? I don’t know, but probably not.  I consider success a moving target because everyone can better one’s self at any time.  However, that in of itself may mean success is never achievable. Hmmm that is a problem.

More important than just my financial goal it makes me really ask – What does success mean? I can tell you that 20 year old Evan had a very different definition than 29 year old Evan, but it’s the same underlying fear.  It is the fear that my action won’t live up to my perceived abilities or perceived expectations.

I can’t say for sure so since I have never had the opportunity/desire to sit down with someone that is trained to figure this onion of a man, but I would have to guess it is just one of the reasons that I work 12 to 15 hour days (8 hours at work plus 4 to 6 hours at night on different online ventures).

Do I think I am currently successful? Nope, but I think in the past 2 years or so I have laid the groundwork and I can only go up from here!

What is your biggest fear?